Twilight, Ugh

Where or where do I begin? Should I defend my man card here for even watching this movie? Should I try and find the good points in a movie that was made entirely and exclusively for women? Let’s see if I can do both.

First, I do believe that a man can watch this movie on one condition: There is a woman in his life. There is absolutely nothing about the movie trailer or the way that the movie is described that would entice a man to watch it. And you can’t say that men don’t like it’s just because it is a romance, because even women admit that the love story is terrible and cheesy. So, why would any self respecting man even sit through this movie? Because of women. Women are so obsessed with this movie and we are so obsessed with women, that we’ll cave in and watch it or just watch out of shear morbid curiosity for what goes on in that female mind (I sure as hell don’t know).

Great, so now that I’m watching this, is there anything good in this movie? The short answer is no. If you can avoid this movie, do so for as long as possible. As a man, there is nothing in it for you. Any man that tells you otherwise is lying to you and to himself. The movie is one big eye roll after another. I swear to you there’s an “I can show you the World” moment from Aladdin in this movie. At least Aladdin was a good movie.

If you’re a woman, and specifically a 12 year old girl that doesn’t fit in at school but still has a fantasy of some dreamy guy coming in like prince charming and noticing the good in you that nobody else sees, then yes it’s for you. The plot is so extremely clichéd. The recluse girl with deeper in beauty that nobody sees, the handsome prince charming, it’s all a big fantasy. None of the love is natural, or earned for that matter. Other than some pretty good music, and creative comic book style cinematography, there is nothing in this movie for us guys.

Women know it’s bad yet they still want to see it, the same way we know that Arnold flying a harrier jet, with a broken cockpit, in the middle of downtown Miami, holding onto his daughter in one hand, shooting a missile THROUGH a building at a terrorist, all to finally deliver in cool deadpan voice,“you’re fired,” is bad yet we still want to see it. The love that is being told in this story is to that level of shear hilarity. You ever wonder why women say we’re idiots? Because we are to them! Tell me that Arnold scene I just described from True Lies isn’t awesome? It’s AMAZING! Women don’t get that about us, and this is exactly why this movie does give us men something very important that we need: Insight into the female mind. Watching this lets you know how they feel during mindless action movies.

Yes, women know what goes on this movie is cheesy over the top romance, but they love it because women’s brains must work differently. Right? That MUST be the explanation. Maybe it’s our primal urge to kick ass and destroy, and their primal urge to nurture and care…but clearly the intellectual parts of our minds are not operational when we watch Twilight and action movies. And that’s what Twilight is, the female summer block buster.

One thing is for certain, any man who tells me that he legitimately like this movie, or even worse, watched this movie without having a woman forcing him to, deserves props for keeping an open mind but absolutely loses a man card.

[More funny images can be found at: http://funnyscrapsorkut.blogspot.com/]

Guilty Pleasures

Some may have noticed a decline in content recently. It is an unfortunate bi-product of a personal necessity. As I am now preparing for a very important examination my updates will be rather infrequent over the next few months. That said, I intend to return at full effort by March of next year and anticipate many positive changes to the site.

With that out of the way, I have to talk about Constantine. The three of us are fans of this film, yet we are aware that many people rapidly dismissed it because.... actually I'm not entirely sure. It certainly isn't a perfect film, but it gets a lot right and has so many cool characters and concepts that it is certainly worth a viewing.

I don't want to link you to the trailer because I find it somewhat misleading (as movie trailers often are). The movie is based on a comic book series about a man who is part supernatural private detective and part con-man. Which makes sense as he is doing battle with a variety of super natural creatures, so the best way to combat them is with his wits (as he is only a man). While the character from the graphic novel is more akin to a darker interpretation of Sherlock Holmes (with Satan playing the role of Professor Moriarty); hear Keanu Reeves plays him more like Clint Eastwood. Not to say he is an action hero, rather that he carries the grimace and foul attitude of the man with no-name. Reeves' Constantine is an experienced, and cynical, exorcist for hire preparing for his final showdown.

This is more so a film noir than an action film. Most of the movie is spent unraveling the rules of it's universe as well as the apocalyptic scheme that is unfolding. Unfortunately, there are reasons this is widely considered a guilty pleasure by those who enjoy it. While I am a fan of Reeves and Rachel Weisz, they have absolutely ZERO chemistry together. This works to the movie's credit initially as Constantine should be disconnected from the people around him given his perspective on life. But, as the plot unfolds and these characters have this significant experience together I would have expected some evolution on his part towards her. Though it is there on paper, the performances don't really convey this. That said, I like both of their performances individually; but this is definitely a movie where the supporting cast is even more interesting to me than the headliners. We have a priest with psychic powers, a divine arms dealer, a witch-doctor/bar-tender who operates a club where angels and demons can mingle, and what is one of the best interpretations of the Devil I have seen in a film... just to name a few. There are so many cool supporting players in this movie, you are bound to get attached to some of them. They are what make this world believable, as you aren't given a great deal of time with them; yet they all feel as though they have their own stories to tell (it just so happens this isn't their story).

I'll save some of my other opinions for a future podcast, but suffice to say it is certainly worth seeing. Let me know what you guys think of Constantine; I'd like to know (besides a bias towards Keanu Reeves, since folks seem to be split when it comes to his acting) why you did or did not enjoy this film.



-Alex

Ghost in the Shell

Ghost in the Shell is my first experience in the world of Japanese Animation. Anime, is a style that requires a certain mood and state of mind when you are going to watch it for the first time if you are to attempt to get anything out of it. Ghost in the Shell is a story that takes place in a future where attractive humanoid cyborgs exist, and are used as police to stop anarchist hackers (both human and non human) from destroying the world. Pretty heavy science fictiony kind of stuff so you really need to know what you're getting yourself into. However, I've been told this is a classic movie when it comes to this genre, so I had to give it a chance. The genre is really a bit of a cultural hurdle to get over, and while I would not recommend this movie to most people, there are some great, artistic and thought provoking things this movie does that I really do appreciate.

First, and possibly most importantly, this movie heavily influenced the Matrix. I am a huge Matrix fan, and while most people enjoyed the special effects and action parts of the movie, I also really enjoyed the philosophy of the movie. I'm also extremely happy that I saw the Matrix first because if I hadn't, I wouldn't be able to have seen it without thinking what an incredible rip off they did on Ghost in the Shell. The Matrix took everything from the philosophy of humanity, to the visual style, to the art, to the damn floating green text. Yes, the iconic Matrix green text is not original! The parralels to the Matrix smack you in the face. The concept of "Neo" is definitely there, and done possible better in this movie.

The fight and action scenes are absolutely amazing. I never thought that traditional animation could wow me the way practical and special affects could, but they do. The action was intense, direct and artistic. In general, even during the non action scenes, the way this movie was shot was incredibly artistic. Sometimes you would see a still image that the camera would just focus in on, or pan over, and it felt as though you were flipping the page of a comic book and pausing a moment to admire a particular frame. In fact, sometimes this movie is so artistic that it doesn't even make sense! However, everything in a movie doesn't have to make sense right away if it is made that way purposely to force you to think.

The main problem I have with this movie is the delivery of the dialogue and story. I don't believe it's necessarily a flaw of the movie, but a flaw I have in myself. Japanese culture is very different to my own, and I'm not use to the over verbose, dry delivery of the dialogue. That is why is some ways I'm also glad the Matrix ripped off this movie because it let me think about the same issues as Ghost in the Shell, just from the American point of view of the Wachowski brothers. In this movie, you'll have dialogue that goes on way too long and will lead you through the following thought process: Whoa they're talking about some really cool stuff...ok, this is deep I can get on board with this...yeah...ok wait what?...slow down...wait I'm lost...huh inception?...wait what?....you lost me...you lost me....now I'm bored...I really believe that there is some gold in these conversations, but I'd only get it after a second or third viewing and paying real close attention. It's something about the style of dry, explanatory dialogue that just kills my attention span.

Finally, I have to comment on the nudity. I was aware that in certain anime movies there happens to be a lot of nudity. In general, I don't necessarily have a problem with it, especially if it is female nudity (of course). As long as it serves some purpose, I'm ok with it. The female body has always been considered a work of art, so stylistically, it is often used in many different ways. In this movie, the cyborg robot/humans run around trying to stop a terrorist plot using their advanced technology. One of these advanced technologies is the power to turn invisible. Apparently, and conveniently for men, this power is not inherent in a special cloth or coat that the cyborgs wear, but instead inherent in their robotic skin...which means that every time the cyborgs, who are all perfect 10s, want to use their ability to attack someone invisibly, they strip. How convenient right? So what is this: Is this a stylistic choice and makes logical sense given the advanced cyborg world that they live in or is it a convenient way to satisfy dork urges for bodacious nudity? I could make the argument for the former, but...c'mon.

I would recommend this movie to someone who enjoyed the plot of the matrix, I know there are a few of you out there, or someone who in general likes movies that get a little existential and contemplate the nature of humanity.

I Love to Laugh

Hi everyone:

I know it has been a ghost town around here this last week. Unfortunately our last podcast suffered technical difficulties and the resulting recording is unlistenable (which means we will have to review/talk about singing in the rain & brick... AGAIN!) We have been trying to see if any of the recording is salvageable, but alas it seems even our audio-guru Pierre cannot save it. As a result we will be posting a shorter discussion we had about the movie "money ball"; but fear not we will record Brick and Singing in the Rain again at a future date. For now the discussion is too fresh in our memories to make the conversation natural, so we are moving on to another project, and we need your help.

Comedies get the short end of the stick critically, which is unfortunate since we all agree it is significantly more difficult to make a comedy than a straight drama (because of that essential comedic ingredient... TIMING!). As a result we have decided to assemble 5 comedies to watch over the next few weeks. The plan is to discuss them in the next 2-3 episodes of the cast and see why these movies withstand the test of time... or don't; and also have a general discussion on what makes a great comedy. So, here is where you come in. I want to know what your favorite funny movies are; we are going to select 3 ourselves and the other 2 will be determined by you guys (and gals). So please let us know what your favorite (or top 3) funny(ies) is(are) in the comments below. Anything goes: slap-stick, romantic, screw-ball, etc.

Alright everyone, looking forward to this and getting the podcast back on track after our speed-bump.

-Alex